Of hairy tales and happy endings!

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She looked down in grave horror as he held on for dear life. She watched his fingers lose his grasp on his lifeline and she said a silent prayer. Her breath caught in her chest as she watched him spiral to the ground eighty feet below. Thankfully he had lost hold only ten feet above the ground, and she looked on as he hit the ground with a sickening thud. She knew that this time, she really had pushed the limits and even if he barely bruised himself, in all probability, he would break it off with her.

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“I’m so tired Po” said Rapunzel. “What do I do? How do I fix this?”
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They had been on the phone for almost an hour now, Rapunzel giving Pocahontas the complete rundown of the previous weekend amid sobs and sniffles. Oh! How such a beautiful planned romantic weekend had turned into one of the worst misadventures of her life. Her recent hairfall problems had resulted in her hair falling out in clumps; the latest fiasco had been the last straw. Her handsome prince, who used to get into the tower using her famed extra-long super-strong hair as a rope earlier and who she had now sent tumbling down, was starting to avoid her.  Pocahontas was the one they all turned to in times of adversity. She was unique, the only Disney princess with some uncanny abilities. She could talk to spirits and communicate with animals. She would never turn them away unsatisfied; Po had always resolved their problems. For someone who could address those beyond the living, this should have been a two-minute thing.

“Calm down dear. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Relax. Why don’t you come over for a cup of tea honey? We can talk about your problem then.” said Pochohontas.
“You know I can’t Po. I wish I could get out of this wretched tower, but I can’t.” said Rapunzel.
Pocahontas sighed. “OK. Listen to me carefully. The wind will give you answers.” she whispered. “You’ll know what to do. Listen to the spirits. The wind will carry their answers to you.”
Ten minutes later, ending the call, Rapunzel was sceptical. Listen to the wind? The wind was supposed to provide her a solution for her hair problems? Not wanting to question her faith in Po’s abilities, she decided to give it a shot, took in a deep breath and sniffed. Hard. Unfortunately, too hard. The smell of rotting decay hit her with such force that she starting coughing frantically in an effort to expel the odour, but it had settled in deep into her lungs making her feel sick to her stomach.

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Damn these new neighbours, she thought. Ever since they had moved in a week back, every dish they cooked ended up in her ‘house’ smelling like a garbage truck. She wondered what ingredients they might be using to generate such disgusting odours. Furious, she picked up her handset again, determined to give them a piece of her mind. Two hours later, the conversation had moved from dishes and recipes to upcoming fashion fiestas in the capital. They had discussed everything under the sun from food to books, soap operas to the latest teen pop sensations, even Kate Middleton’s royal wedding and the evergreen heartthrob Tom Cruise. Now confiding in her newfound girl-friend, Rapunzel let go of her choked up emotions, desperate for a timely resolution.

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“That’s it? You’re upset for such a minor issue dah-ling?” asked Fiona.

“Oh Fi, what do you have to lose? Your husband is humming away in his swamp pool; you guys have a beautiful life waiting for you in the land of Far Far Away. But me? He hasn’t even proposed to me yet! What if Flynn dumps me?”  She wailed.
“O Dah-ling. I have just the right thing for you. I’m going to send a bottle up with Puss. Use it on your hair, the more the better, would you?” she crooned, in her sing-song voice.
“But  …” Rapunzel started, “How would he get here? No one has been able to before”.
“Oh dah-ling! Don’t you tire out that little head of yours dear! All it would do is cause more hairfall.” She said, continuing. “Puss has Dragon’s help dah-ling. That team of theirs, those two can scale mountains and fires. That tower of yours is child’s play sweetheart! Even Donkey could jump higher.” She said, pooh-poohing Rapunzel’s concerns. Rapunzel saw a shining beacon in the distance and her face lit up with promises of happily ever after.

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“What the … What the … What the hell did you give me Fiona $@%^$%#@@” Rapunzel hollered. Having dumped the entire bottle of Fiona’s concoction on her head, her hair now smelled like eviscerated decomposing bodies. The stench was so powerful that the pigeons and the black crows, her only companions who would religiously visit her at the lone window dug into the brick wall, had also fainted and now lay still at the base of the tower.
“Oh dah-ling. Didn’t I tell you? It’s a panacea for all your hair problems. It will drive away the hair fall.”
“The only thing it will drive away is my dashing prince. The way this thing stinks, you should be able to feel the fetor through the phone! What have you put in it? Dead rats?”
 “How did you know?” exclaimed Fiona as Rapunzel blanched at the other end of the line.
“But I kept it mild for you dah-ling; you know how it smells if it’s too strong! So I put in only two. You see Shrek has been using this for years, he says. You know how hairy he is, don’t you dah-ling? What do you think his secret is? Well, I don’t usually let on to others about this.. but neighbours are family, so..” Fiona paused conspiratorially, continuing in a low whisper. “There are two frog’s eyeballs too. And some feathers from a black crow that I had caught earlier this evening for stew. Oh, and dah-ling I mixed in some mud from the swamp too. It’s got these Ayurveda powers that everyone’s talking about these days, medicine they say. Meh! my dah-ling Shrek always knew that.” She added in a proud tone.
“One more time you say Dah-ling, I will personally come over to kill you, even if I had to ride Dragon.” Rapunzel screamed, before she slammed down the phone. So that was where her crow friends had been ending up. What a psycho, she thought!

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Funny)
Her only last ray of hope lay in Jasmine. So much for listening to the wind. Desperately running out of time, thankful that she had Jasmine on speed dial, she punched in the keys. She hoped Jasmine wasn’t touring the world on yet another of her magic carpet flying journeys with her boyfriend Aladdin. They had been unsuccessful in all their attempts so far to rescue Rapunzel from the tower with the use of the magic carpet, but they hadn’t given up. Ecstatic when Jasmine answered the phone, Rapunzel plunged headlong into her woes begging her friend to help her out. Jasmine had wanted to know what had been tried so far and Rapunzel detailed her efforts, gagging at the thought of dead rats and frog’s eyeballs in her hair.

“Jazz, didn’t your boyfriend find anything in that cave of his? Could Genie help?” she pleaded.
“Oh sugar, if only you had called me earlier. Ali found just the perfect solution for me nestled among that treasure trove of his. I’ll email it to you right away. Haven’t you noticed how thick and lustrous my hair is? Genie even uses it on his beard. That’s why it’s so long!”
Rapunzel’s laptop buzzed an alert of incoming mail and she excitedly rubbed her hands at the prospect of a possible cure-all. Sure enough, there was the email telling her all about the new Dove App. Jasmine had even added a note in bold red below saying “…and that was the end of my hair problems!”.
“Got it? Try it, I promise you, it will be the end of your problems too! I got to run sugar. Ali’s waiting for me. We’re taking off for Paris in a few; we plan to catch the Paris Fashion Week later this month.” Jasmine said in a hurried tone.
“Thank you Jazz!! You’re the best. Thank Ali for me! Love to Genie and Abu!” Rapunzel gushed, confident that this time she would strike gold.

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And true to her friend’s promise, about four weeks later, Rapunzel and her prince Flynn rode into the sunset one fine day. Rapunzel sporting a six-carat emerald rock on her finger, exotic flowers woven into her thick, strong, longer than ever braid, love in her heart and her love by her side. Needless to say, they lived happily ever after!

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