You Were the Needle In The Haystack
The first time I saw you, you were a shimmer in blue. A blur that sped past me and blended into the throng of people at the procession. I looked for you in the crowd, craning my neck every which way but I couldn’t spot you again. You were the needle in the haystack.
The second time I saw you, the bright orange kanagambaram flower, the firecracker flower as it is also called, woven into your hair called out to me. Adorning your fiery spirit and your boisterous laughter, its name seemed apt. With us in different compartments on the train journey, all I could do was catch glimpses of you through the railings. You were the needle in the haystack.
The third time I saw you, my breath stopped. Our eyes met. And you smiled at me. A smile that spoke of intimacy. An intimacy that comes from knowing someone for years. And yet, this was the first time you had seen me. Before I could smile back at you, you asked to be excused and walked past, getting lost in a sea of yellow 7s at the stadium cheering for their team. You were the needle in the haystack.
The fourth time I saw you, I recognized you by your voice. The heartrending melodies you sang lured me in. You were on the stage, engulfed by seventeen others of the choir. For me, separated by 36 rows of seats and people, you were the needle in the haystack.
The fifth time. Well, 5 is my lucky number. Rather, it used to be. The fifth time I saw you, I was simply 2 feet away. You lay there, clearly visible, unadorned in your simplicity, unmoving. An angelic aura. Covered with a white sheet, in solidarity with 137 other victims of the tsunami, you were no longer a needle in the haystack.
This post is based on a writing prompt by Plottery. Link here
Gifted❤️
Thank you, Prerna!
What a beautiful and poignant poem. I wasn’t expecting such a heart-wrenching ending. Amazing work.
Thank you, Anstice. I cannot even imagine what heartbreaking ends might have been brought about by some disasters in the world. There one second, gone the next. So tragic.
Beautiful build up only to have it culminate in such a sad ending, sigh! Very well written!
Thanks a ton!
Omg this gave me goosebumps Deepa! Brilliant writing and amazing flow.
Thanks, Anu! Glad it made an impact!
It gave me goosebumps. Short but so powerful.
Thank you for the compliment, Mohe!
Great story. Sad that it had to end this way.
She was better off being the needle in the haystack- at least she had an identity and was safe, and he got to meet her…
Thank you, Anita! True that, but unfortunately, life has a life of its own!
Very lovely story. Never expected this kind of ending. I thought of how I met my late wife for the first time. She thought I was an uneducated village idiot. Wrote a 2 part blog about it.
Sometimes I am moody and end up giving a sombre twist! 😀 I will go over to read your blog, would be interesting and witty I think!
These are the 2 part blog posts:
https://sg-shootthebreeze.blogspot.com/2016/12/first-impression-part-1-of-2.html
https://sg-shootthebreeze.blogspot.com/2016/12/first-impression-part-2-of-2.html
For some reason that marigold flower description reminded me a South actress shobhana laughing loud…there’s a movie where rajnikanth feels devoted to her but they don’t unite ( may b dalapati) don’t remember now
Nice to see it helping you visualizing and invoking some memories too! 🙂
Your writing style is very powerful. Paints strong images in just 4-5 words. ….i was all happy till end and the last lines had upset me…u should take chances when life still gives u isn’t it??
Great way of using prompt …if there was any contest for that prompt i would declare u winner..not an exaggeration. I really loved it
Thank you so much for that vote of confidence, Afshan! You just made my day! 🙂 And yes, life really has no guarantees! Just have to live in the now!
That’s life for you… kabhi yeh hasayeh kabhi yeh rulayeh… liked it deeps
Thank you, Masti! Rightly said!
Such a beautiful piece of writing! Loved the crescendo style build up and then the unexpected end. My favourite line is when you wrote about the flower “adorning her fiery spirit and boisterous laughter”… It painted such a vivid picture in my mind’s eye.
Thank you so much, Nidhi! Glad the writing came off as ‘show’ not ‘tell’ – with the visualization!
Loved the story. Very beautiful.
Thank you Neeta! Welcome to my space! Keep reading!
Beautiful story, so well crafted. The ending was totally unexpected.
Thank you, Presto! Sudden endings are something else only! 🙂
SAD:That is life ,u never know what’s going to happen next ,but still it has to go on with up n down
Rightly said, Jyo!
Oh, it’s a tragedy. Why the hell you didn’t write a happily ever after???? Please, the following post should be all about mushy romance.
Happily Ever Afters are overrated! Life is more a series of sine waves! Every now and then there will also be a moody teen scribbling or if we are fortunate, maybe a kid high on sugar painting a dreamy blue elephant!
As I started reading I was blushing, but all of sudden I was full of tears….
This is the power of your writing….
There is lesson that life is short n unpredictable….
That it is, sad but true.
Heartbreaking…
💔