Missing but not A.W.O.L!!

Trying to pack seven years of your life into two suitcases of fifty pounds each isn’t simple. I could have tried to sneak stuff into my husband’s suitcases, like any other typical female who’s shopped way too much than she should have, but then he’s trying to fit eight years of life into two suitcases himself. Why didn’t we ship some stuff? See, I like to shop pretty often, petty day-to-day household things too – so I like to buy relatively inexpensive stuff that I can discard in about 6 months and buy something new all over again in a new color or the then in-thing, guilt free! So if I should go in for shipping, shouldn’t the cost of the items warrant the shipping cost? Plus if I am travelling back home, it doesn’t make sense to pay in dollars for some of the stuff that you bought in rupees! Well, that and something that my ex-manager said once in response to an employee’s concern that the organization wasn’t paying for shipping costs – “You came with two suitcases, you leave with two. Anything beyond, is up to you!”. Honestly, I agree!

But beyond all the weight and the number of suitcases, there’s so much I want to take back with me. If only it were tangible, this I would have happily paid for. The first snow of the season that covers everything with the sheer veneer of white, shimmering in the moonlight. The feeling of uninterrupted soaring when cruising on an empty highway with the black asphalt stretching out miles and miles ahead of me. The magical color changing of the maple leaves, creating sights that I thought existed only in artists’ imaginations. The ‘me’ time that I have grown to cherish through the years – having the time to do what the heart desired. Cheering my heart out for my cricket team that I will always hold close to my heart. People at work with whom personal and professional lives ended up criss-crossing leading to some beautiful friendships that I would treasure! The immeasurable moments and memories that I have accumulated over the years with friends who grew to be family. The moment when I fell in love with writing all over again, blogging and the whole obsession that completely took over me – thanks to my virtual friends from the blogging world and the friends I made due to shared passion for common interests. And so much more. Infinite. And to each and every person who has contributed in it, I pass on my sincere gratitude.

And there’s so much that I look forward to and have missed. The feeling of being engulfed by family – something I have been yearning for. The mingling of tastes and smells when surrounded by a deluge of street food. The fragrance of soil during the first rain of the season. Mom’s cooking. The feeling of safety in numbers at Bandra station, even at midnight. I love crowds. Always have, always will. Not unruly ones. But people milling about, some walking briskly to work, some lost in their own world, the gossip, the camaraderie, the hurried conversations, eccentricities, exasperations, everything. The sounds and noises at all times of the day and night, noises that fade into the background and yet would always be there – a silent indicator of life close by.
The knowledge that I would be both amazed and shocked at the rapid pace of commercial progress and inflation. The chance to meet up with close friends with whom its been ages since we’ve met, yet never grown apart. The chance to try out something new without the worry of work visas. The sense of belonging, the comfort in knowing that my citizenship can never be revoked. And so much more. Infinite again.

Yet, I know deep in my heart that I am also going to repel certain aspects like the general public’s attitude towards civic values, the immense traffic and mob-crowds but I shall manage and do the best I can. Its a big decision and a big change. It could be the best decision of our lives, or it may cause us to rethink our plans. But then life’s too short to worry about what lies ahead. Life’s also prone to change in the blink of an eye. Maybe I’ll go globe trotting before I decide to stay put. Sometimes I wonder, would it be more fun with lesser choices so it’s not that confusing? If we wish for and get a world that’s like the best of both (or more) worlds. But then, where’s the fun in that? Anyway, its all still too volatile right now. For now, am completely content, at peace and really looking forward to just being back in India. Back home.

And so, I leave with guarded enthusiasm, with hopes of exploring new avenues and charting unfamiliar territories. With a promise to not give up what I love doing. Is it the end of an era or a new beginning? Here’s to dreams and desires. To contemplating new opportunities. To life.

And to those who I have loved interacting with, through Kaleidoscope, I would probably be out of pocket for a while, living the life of an ‘internet-ascetic’ as I lose connectivity with the world wide web initially. If I don’t respond to your comments, don’t let that stop you. Now you know why. And rest assured I will most definitely respond! Soon! Until then, take care!

I would love to hear your views!